Since becoming a mom, I’ve noticed a pattern. Every night, as soon as my head hits the pillow, my brain starts its Mom Report Card:

• Did I lose my patience today?
• Was I present enough?
• Did I handle that tantrum the right way?
• Did I show him how much I love him?

I replay my day, picking apart the moments where I could have done better and feeling relief over the ones where I got it right. Some nights, I pat myself on the back. Other nights? I fall into the spiral of mom guilt—that nagging feeling that I should be more, better, or different.

And guess what? I’m not alone.

Why Does Mom Guilt Happen?

Mom guilt is real, and it’s common. Research even backs this up. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that moms often feel intense pressure to meet unrealistic parenting standards, especially in a world where social media shows only the highlight reel of motherhood.

Another study from The Journal of Child and Family Studies found that moms who feel judged—whether by family, friends, or even society at large—tend to experience higher levels of stress and guilt. It’s as if we carry an invisible scorecard of what a “good mom” should be, and any misstep feels like a failure.

But here’s the thing: Mom guilt doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a caring one. You wouldn’t feel guilty if you didn’t care so deeply.

3 Ways to Handle Mom Guilt When It Hits

1. Shift Your Perspective: Progress Over Perfection

You’re not supposed to be a perfect mom. That’s not the job description. What matters is showing up—even on the messy, exhausting days. Instead of asking, Was I a perfect mom today?, ask:

✔️ Did I love my child today?
✔️ Did I try my best in the moments I could?
✔️ Am I learning and growing as a parent?

You don’t need to get everything right. You just need to be consistent in your love and effort.

2. Talk to Yourself Like You Would a Friend

Imagine your best friend calls you and says, “I feel like a bad mom because I snapped at my kid when they wouldn’t put their shoes on.”

Would you say, Wow, yeah, you really messed up. Probably scarred them for life.?

Of course not. You’d reassure her. You’d remind her that she’s human, that kids are resilient, and that one tough moment doesn’t define her parenting.

Now, try extending that same grace to yourself.

3. Model Self-Compassion for Your Kids

Your kids don’t need a mom who’s perfect. They need a mom who knows how to be kind to herself so they can learn to do the same.

When you mess up, say it out loud:
“Wow, I was really impatient just now. I’m sorry. I’m working on being calmer when things get hectic.”

Not only does this take the pressure off, but it also teaches your kids that mistakes are normal—and that self-kindness is part of growing.

The Bottom Line: You’re Already Doing Enough

Mom guilt thrives in the space between our expectations and reality. But the truth is, being a good mom isn’t about checking every box. It’s about loving your kids in the way only you can.

So tonight, when your head hits the pillow, try something new. Instead of counting the moments where you fell short, celebrate the ones where you showed up. The bedtime hugs, the silly dance party, the way you tried.

Because at the end of the day, that’s what they’ll remember.

Sending love to you mama,

Olga