You know that moment when someone—maybe a friend, colleague, or even a stranger—calls you out on something you’ve been doing, and you didn’t even realize it? Maybe it’s a mistake you’ve been making, a habit that’s rubbing people the wrong way, or even just an awkward moment where you put your foot in your mouth.

Your stomach drops. Embarrassment floods in. Guilt? Oh yeah, that too.

But let’s pause for a second. What if this moment—however uncomfortable—was actually a gift?

The Initial Hit: Why It Feels So Awful

When we receive unexpected critical feedback, our brains don’t love it. The ego kicks in, and a mix of shame, defensiveness, and self-doubt can take over. You might start overanalyzing:

• Did everyone else notice this and just not say anything?
• Does this mean I’m a bad person?
• How long have I been doing this?!

The truth is, being corrected—even in a kind and well-meaning way—can feel like a mini self-esteem crisis. It’s natural to feel exposed. But that discomfort is also where the growth happens.

Why Honest Feedback Is a Gift

Think about it: If you had cilantro stuck in your teeth, would you want to walk around all day without anyone telling you? Of course not! You’d much rather someone point it out so you can fix it.

Honest feedback—whether about your communication style, work habits, or personal behavior—is the same thing. It gives you a choice: you can get defensive and brush it off, or you can use it as an opportunity to improve.

How to Handle the Discomfort (Without Letting It Crush You)

1. Pause Before Reacting

Your first instinct might be to argue, justify, or retreat into self-criticism. Instead, take a breath. You don’t have to respond immediately.

If the feedback stings, remind yourself: This is uncomfortable, but it’s also useful.

2. Separate Yourself From the Mistake

You are not your mistake. If someone points out an issue, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure or a bad person—it just means there’s something to adjust. Instead of thinking, I’m terrible for doing this, reframe it: I didn’t realize I was doing this, but now I can change it.

3. Assess the Validity of the Feedback

Not all feedback is created equal. Ask yourself:

• Is this coming from someone I respect?
• Does this feedback align with other things I’ve noticed about myself?
• Is this something I actually want to change?

If it’s valid, great—you have something to work on. If not, it might just be someone’s opinion, and that’s okay too.

4. Express Gratitude (Even If It Feels Awkward)

A simple “Thank you for pointing that out” can go a long way. It shows emotional maturity and turns the moment into a positive exchange rather than an awkward or defensive one.

5. Make a Plan for Change

If the feedback is something you truly want to work on, set a small, actionable step to improve. Whether it’s being more mindful in conversations, double-checking your work, or shifting a habit, change happens in small, intentional ways.

The Bottom Line

Being called out—especially when it’s unexpected—can feel like a hit to the gut. But it’s also a powerful moment of growth. Instead of seeing it as an attack, view it as a nudge in the right direction.

At the end of the day, the people who are willing to give you honest feedback (with kindness) are often the ones who care the most. They’re the ones who tell you about the metaphorical cilantro in your teeth so you don’t walk around all day with it. And for that? We should be grateful.

Hope this is helpful.

Olga